Letter #36: The Return (Hi!)

A Ghost in the Post returns after the unexpected hiatus!

Dear reader,

It’s been a long time. The longest I’ve gone without posting here since I started this newsletter.

When I started writing here in 2021, I was in a very different place. I felt like I was writing all the time; I could have a month-long backlog of posts already written because I had so much creative juice sloshing around this juice box that is my body.

I was also struggling to break into my career field after years of trying. I worked part-time.

Part of why I’ve been so quiet here is because I finally got started working full-time in my field. Well, most of why. But working a full 40 hours a week has left me with little to no energy for writing.

Image Credit: Neon purple text of “Do it tired!” over bright teal background.

This is the bit of art I drew for myself yesterday afternoon as my commitment and reminder to myself to do the thing I want to do anyway, even if I’m tired.

I. So, other than working and being tired, what have I been up to in that time?

1.) Well, I chopped most of my hair off, brought my bangs back after about a decade, and started wearing way more flowy dresses/skirts (entering my pretty dress era), a combo that has been surprisingly super helpful for my self-esteem. Yay for some self-esteem!

2.) Way too many life things. Way too many. Man, it has been an eventful year.

3.) I think as a side effect of being aware of how tired I constantly am, I’ve gotten better at identifying the small things that bring me joy.

Exhibit A: I tacked a piece of pink paper to the board at my work desk a number of weeks (months, even?) ago because the shade of the paper sparked joy on a day I was really feelin’ rough.

There was nothing on the paper. It was literally a blank sheet of construction paper in a pretty pink color and I would look at it when I needed serotonin. (I took it down a week or so ago because I didn’t feel like I needed it anymore, so that’s progress!)

Exhibit B: I have plushies at my desk at home that bring me joy.

If adulthood has taught me anything, it’s that being an adult is hard and you want things to make it easier or more bearable. And I have realized that having a cute plush frog sitting on the edge of my keyboard makes life a little nicer. Before I leave for work, I pat this little guy’s head for good luck. His name is Ferdinand, from a Makeship run created by the wonderful artist Chetom.

Image: Ferdinand the plush frog with his foot on my keyboard, with plush Jiji the cat next to him partially cut off in the image.

Yes, Ferdinand is next to the Jiji plush I sewed Velcro into to attach to the shoulder of my Kiki’s Delivery Service cosplay this year (my first baby’s first cosplay adventure!). This perfect Jiji came handmade from Ghost Light Crafting Company.

II. Have I been doing anything else in the creative department during this time?

Yes, but…?

I’ve been in a creative headspace, but I’ve had so little energy that I feel like I haven’t made much. I’ve come up with so many ideas; having the energy to iterate on those ideas is the problem.

I’ve been writing songs, tweaking old stories, drawing coloring pages and sticker designs, coming up with concepts for game jams, starting my way into making music.

I’ve started planning my foray into cosplays (and very mildly altering a dress for my first cosplay).

I’ve drafted my first (admittedly disastrous) test pattern for a skirt. (I’ve really gotta workshop that one, but I did make a nearly finished garment in about 4 hours of a rare burst of midnight oil on a Saturday night a few months ago. A terrible, hideous, nearly finished garment, but I constructed a thing, save for making button holes and adding buttons, which I was not going to do for said failed pattern. I’ll get to tackling the buttons when the pattern is better and I’ve made the actual skirt I was attempting.)

As an aside, look how pretty this fabric I have for the skirt is. I used an old sheet that had become one of our it’s-wall-painting-time dropcloths for my initial draft and thank the stars above I didn’t full send it and try to cut into the intended fabric for the project. (You can see the pretty fabric here, from Anita C. Young on Spoonflower, if you’re curious!)

I’ve also been reading so much. As of today, I’ve read 58 out of the 101 books I challenged myself to read this year, not including all the webcomics and newsletters I read (and am absolutely still terribly and perpetually behind on!).

I’ve created an absurd number of themed playlists, of which you shall likely see many here.

But so much of this has been me starting things.

Have I finished much? No. Some? Yes.

There’s too much I want to do, and not enough time or energy to do it all, but I need to pick something and run with it or I might not get anywhere with any of my creative projects.

Does that feel a little paralyzing? Yes. Does that feel a little motivating? Also yes.

Am I coming back to writing here? Absolutely.

How sporadic will that be? Well… that’s harder to say.

I started this newsletter with the idea of posting weekly. And there have been glorious periods when I’ve stuck to that, periods that I’m proud of myself for pushing through my own insecurities to share something I felt worth sharing. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve held myself back from posting a fully written piece because of my own fear.

And in the last eight months I’ve been away from writing here, I discovered that it’s not just fear that I have to fight to share what I want to share: it’s also tiredness.

For both my sake and the people here who want to support me, I will do my best to push through that fear and that tiredness. Because writing and sharing and connecting with people is 1) important to me, 2) probably good for me and my growth, and 3) something I want in my life. And that’s something I have to work for and towards.

That being said, if I something to say and the bandwidth to do so, I’ll be here. It’s my intention to be here, far more regularly. It may not be every week, but I’d like it to be a whole lot closer to it.

I’m not quite sure how sporadic my posts will continue to be, but know that I am still here and that I’ll pop in to say something when I have something to say.

As always, thanks so much for being here, whether you’re new to these letters or if you’ve just recently stopped by. To all the people who stuck around while I was gone and to the new people who subscribed while I’ve been gone, thank you so much for believing in this newsletter! It warms this little ghost’s heart to know people are listening!

Until next time and, as always, happy reading!

Also, as usual, none of these links are affiliate or sponsor links. I’m just talking about things I’ve enjoyed or care about! :)

P. S. I pinned the artwork I drew up quickly yesterday to my little bulletin board square beside my desk at home where I do all of my creative work so I can’t miss it when I’m at home.

You want to make that thing but you’re too tired after work? Okay, do it tired.

I know I can’t do that all the time or I’ll burn out, but I think I need to fight through the fear and tiredness more often to achieve the things I want and create the things I want!

It also printed out weirdly because our printer is running out of green/blue(?) ink, so it kind of looks like a giant washed-out sticky note, which I find amusing.

Image: My artwork “Do it tired!” pinned to small corkboard at my desk, with various pins surrounding the artwork.

Pins shown here are either gifts or bought from artists at conventions, including Draw Gabe Draw, Chibird, and Ella Breden.

Quote of the Week:

“It’s been a time.” -My husband